Here's a Little Secret...

When I don't post a blog for a long time, it is not because I am too busy to write. It is because I think life sucks big time and I'm pretty sure no one wants to read about my problems. Lately, I feel like a building that has just been bombed. Completely unrecognizable rubble, the smell of everything on fire and wondering why I am still alive to bore you with the details. Tell me who wants to read of tragedy that stretches out as far as the eye can or would want to see. Here it is, another sob story. Chances are you can no longer feel anything for me because you have already been asked to feel too much.
So, that's my secret. Life sucks and I refuse to tell you why.

YOUR KERNALS OF THANKS

This is a tradition that one of our babysitter's family does every year at Thanksgiving. Each person at the table would get a kernel of popcorn and hold it in their hands. When it was your turn, you told everyone what you were thankful for and then ate the kernel. 


This year, I passed around another virtual bowl of popcorn.  You each took a kernel of popcorn and held it in your mind and thought about what you were thankful for. Here are your responses:

I am thankful for-

for loving, supportive friends.

husband, children, grandchildren, pets, parents, siblings, friends, jobs, USA, salvation, and ice cream.

everything. Even the stuff I don't like

there are so many things to be grateful for this year...my family is all on USA soil and safe, I am very proud of all my kids, kids in law, and grandkids, I am no longer anyone's payee, my hubby is a fun guy who likes to dance and play, oh and he is very handy and does great work on our house, my work is hard but I am still able to do it and that feels good..

being able to contribute to the lives of others!

you all, my irl/f.book/twitter/plurk friends. You all really are something/one I am thankful for... :-)

all our friends and family that we share this life with.

that my daughter is home safe and sound!

my family and friends, one in the same.

all the wonderful people in my life! 

spending time with my sibs.

all of you making a difference in homeless pets' lives.

too many things to mention, but I'm most thankful for all the love and support of my friends and family.

my friends- a million times. I couldn't be more sincere, Thank you for just existing. From my heart.

each and every one of you and all that you do for your families, your kids, and each other.

all the wonderful people in my life! for such a wonderful Family and Great friends!

family and friends!!!! The love is absolutely what makes this world glow. I'm shining today...and grateful!!!

"To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven."     ~Johannes A. Gaertner

Sometimes An Angel....

Many children with autism have meltdowns because of  limited or no language. Dylan is one of those children. Because he cannot process what he hears as quickly as most, because he cannot filter out background noise, because he has ADHD which makes him impulsive and easily distracted - all of these contribute to Dylan not hearing and understanding, not being able to articulate his wants and needs. It is heartbreaking for us when Dylan's communication is frustrated tears.

There are many communication systems and equipment available. But most, like picture cards, are cumbersome and impractical and the communication devices are expensive. We found out from a friend of ours back home that he was using old iphones for communication devices in the school where he works.   He sent the information to Tod.

Tod set out on a search for a 1st generation iphone; it didn't need phone capability, it just needed to be able to use the apps and Dylan would have a very portable, inexpensive communication device. Searching everywhere - Craigslist, ebay, freecycle - we were shocked at how much people wanted for non working phones that looked like they had been used for hammering nails!  Well over $100, which was more than we have to spend right now. We became disheartened.

At that point I decided that instead of looking for what we needed, I would ask for it. It never hurts to ask, right?  I put a simple Wanted Ad in Craigslist. "Looking for old iphone to use as a communication device for my autistic son. Need not have phone capability, just the ability to use applications." Within the hour I received an email from a woman who wanted to donate her phone to Dylan. She changed carriers and all the phone needed was a charger. What was our address? I couldn't believe it! I sent her our address and a picture of the boys and thanked her profusely.

Today there was a package in the mail with no return address, just the initials C.C. Inside was a practically new, perfect 4G iphone, that latest model Apple makes. This time we were shocked in an altogether different way.

Sometimes an angel comes into your life for just a brief moment and gives you just what you need.

Refrigerator Mom

About 2 weeks ago I re-posted a story from npr about a new therapy that was supposed to help kids with autism.  At the end of the story, the boy's mother said that there was definitely improvement, but for all she knew it could have been from the extra quality time she got to spend with her son. A friend responded with the idea that, of course the extra time spent would help. And, although there is much more to helping a child with autism that spending time with him or her, I had to agree that it was smart that he picked that up and that parents of kids with autism have to be so diligent not to jump on every band wagon that comes along. Sometimes a cigar is a just a cigar. There are no cookie cutter answers.

But, I have been ruminating on this for a while and feel I did not speak to the whole truth of the matter. Saying that it was just spending more time with her son comes dangerously close to perpetuating the Bettleheim take on autism. The Refrigerator Mom. The reason the child has autism is because mom doesn't show enough love and attention to the child.  The child then retreats into himself. Imagine, being a mom, being told your child has autism and then being told it is your fault. Unconscionable,

And while most people today have never heard of the Refrigerator Mom, people who don't have children with autism still tend to blame the parents for their autistic child's behavior. I can't count the number of times I've been in public and one of the boys has had a melt down and I get to hear from a complete stranger that my child needs a good spanking or why can't I control him?  Obviously, I don't have time to explain that the buzz from the fluorescent lights might be piercing his ears or things aren't in the same place they were last time or that just the cacophony of people and things are sending him over the edge. And then there is a good chance that I have no idea myself what's wrong because the boys have limited language. The meltdown is their communication.

When we talk about autism awareness, we talk about early intervention, research, cure. But seldom do we tell our neighbors what our kids might do and why. With a clearer understanding, the next time they are in the store and a child is having meltdown, they might offer assistance instead of criticism. Understanding, instead of blame. And maybe even the acceptance that both the child and parent deserve.

Bored, Bored, Bored

For the first time in almost 12 years, I'm bored. Being bored is something I've dreamed of, yes, even aspired to, since Ethan and Dylan were born. Ah, to have the entire expanse of a day in front of me with little to do but recuperate.

No colicky boys with apnea monitors, getting only 2-3 hours of sleep a day. Neither one napping at the same time (if they napped at all), Oh no, now the cat's puking, too! Laundry running night and day. Suspecting developmental delays, research, therapy, worry. Sweet baby faces smiling at Teletubbie balloons, So interested in reading and stories, music and singing.  Don't want your face washed? Making up a "wash-cloth dance".

Crawling in separate directions. Running...fast. Baby gates...worthless. Ethan your chewing everything! Swinging and swinging, two pushes for you ...two pushes for you. Trying to keep snow clothes on one, before the other takes his off.  We'll never get out of the house!

Pre-school - no, they can't be in school, already, we're just getting started!  IEP's, advocacy, seminars, meeting other moms. They're in the same classroom, we'll have to color code; does this come in blue and red? Their first school program! Gymnastics-that poor aide with never catch Dylan.

The sitters' called three times and the Christmas party hasn't even started. Broken arm, cracked jaw, pneumonia, drug reaction. Ethan has night terrors. Dylan, how did you get your head stuck in the door? 

Ethan said, "mommy"!! First imaginative play? Discreet Trial therapy a with stuffed bear. Hats! Puzzles! Numbers, Alphabet! Mom, I'm in Chicago with Tod, he just got out of heart surgery; what? did I just hear you say "put the knife down, Ethan"?

California? No family, no friends? Everything's new. New school, new system. How to navigate? Tod's out of town. Thank God for Gerrie! Two bathrooms, yeah! Ethan, don't stick your head in the toilet. Big yard, big gate. When did they learn how to ring the doorbell and run?

Visitors from home! Boys are so big, using computers, reading, writing, fighting over toys, Magic shows, bus trips around the world. Drawing, singing, dancing, melting down, growing up. "Paper, please", "more milk, please". "Lay down with mom?"

Now, I can't imagine what I thought was so great about being bored, Can you?

They Don't Want Me To Take Care of My Child!

Last night while typing on the laptop, Dylan sat next to me on the sofa and laid his head across my hands on the keyboard.  He was hot.  Even though he had no cough or sniffling, he had been lethargic all day and zoning out a lot (at one point we thought he was having a seizure). Tod laid him on the sofa and covered him up. Dylan was already moaning by then, typical flu symptoms. Tod got out the thermometer and sure enough, the thermometer was broke. He got the Tylenol anyway.  We knew it was going to be a long night. Our pediatrician tells us to alternate Tylenol and Motrin during times of spiked fever. It has decreased the number of times we've had to use cold compresses or frozen vegis to bring a dangerously high fever down. And it keeps him from getting too uncomfortable with body aches and chills.

Tod was with him all night. I was up, too, but in the other room. You see, I just got out of the hospital after being incarcerate for double pneumonia. I was under quarantine, too. And although I am taking enough antibiotics to clean up Congress (and maybe Sacramento, too), I have no defense against a viral infection. I could end up back in the hospital in worse shape than I was before. Then I become a burden and not a help.

But, I'm the mom! My poor baby needs me! How can I sit by helplessly while he's sick? Not that Tod isn't doing a great job. But, I"M THE MOM! I remember reading somewhere that your child will always remember how you treated them when they were sick. I remember my mom- gently putting in eardrops, letting me eat chicken noodle soup on a tv tray in the living room. Comforting me when I broke out with chicken pox. I knew it was ok when I puked  because mom wasn't scared. And then there were those sweet kisses on my forehead to check my temperature. How can I deprive my child of this?

Well, I'm not, as safely as I can. By washing hands, letting Tod distribute medicine, using TraderJoe's hand-sanitizer and continuing to do all the things I need to do for my recovery. Oh, and this....

Hell Hath no Fury like Pleasanton Scorched!

I actually thought we might miss the Sahara showing up with it's luggage this Summer. We had days and nights of no air conditioning. Mornings when you picked up your newspaper and stopped to smelled the chill in the air. You could actually walk across the patio in bare feet to drag your children off the swings for dinner. Well those days are gone and true Pleasanton summer is here. This is the only part about Pleasanton I don't like. In the summer it's hot, it's a dry heat, it doesn't matter, I hate it.

So out comes the pool from last year and, hey, it's got no holes! "Pip" and "Pop" are thrilled except that Dad threw away all the cool pool toys. Sooo we all hop into the van in search of pool toys at the end of the pool season. We found a couple at ToysRUs and then mom has a great idea The Dollar Store! We find all kinds of toys at The Dollar Store and, guess what? they're a dollar! Back home "Click" and "Clack" play and play until bedtime. Dad wants to clean the pool, so he drains it but doesn't put it away. The next morning "Remus" gets out the patio door (scary enough, we've already fixed that) and thinks it's fun to drag the pool all around the yard and the patio. Now it's full of holes and tears. This late in the season, we can't find the right size patches, so now we have a bunch of pool toys and no pool. Back out to ToysRUs for a pool.

If it's the end of the season and School Supplies are crowding the aisles, why are pool supplies so expensive?? It doesn't matter. When you hear "Monkey See" and "Monkey Do" giggle until they can't stop, who cares? When you see the shocked look on "Romulus'" face when he accidentally falls in face first and then the big grin that follows. It just doesn't occur to you to ask your spouse, "well, gee, honey, what do you think? Should we get it?" You just do it without batting an eye like letting the Sahara stay in your guest room for the Summer.

til later...

Say It Ain't So!

Poof Ball

I sent these pictures out via email just a couple days ago. The boys LOVE this ball. Aunt Tanya sent it for Christmas and it is so fun for them and so good for them. OT's love it because it offers compression and bouncing for loosening of joints. It relaxes them and "centers" them so they can concentrate on their work. And of course the boys just think it's fun. After a while it got a hole in it and dad patched it a couple times, but they still found new ways to play with it every day.

Well about 5 minutes after I hit the send button to send the pictures of our favorate toy, the patio door opened and my 3 boys came in whining. "Mo-oooom, it brooooke!" And indeed it had. Ripped from stem to stern. Ethan wanted dad to fix it with the hole fixer and air pump, but that just wasn't gonna make. Finally Dad was able to distract them to the Kangaroo Balls, whispering on his way out the door, "get on the internet and FIND ANOTHER ONE! NOW" So I did and it's supposed be here sometime next week. I just hope we can last that long. Every day the boys ask, several times, to "please play Poof Ball". Poof Ball: The ball is a little deflated. Dad puts weight on one side of the ball, one of the boys sits on the opposite side. All on a sudden dad presses hard on his side and boy "poofs" up in the air! (see pic above)

til later.....

Six Long Months

It's hard to believe it's been 6 months since I last posted to this blog. I'm sure most of you have abandoned it. Our life has been difficult with Tod being out of work since October. I haven't felt much like posting because it all seems to be bad news on top of worse. But the reason I started this blog was to keep in touch with friends and family back home, to let everyone know what's happening in our lives and to keep myself connected. I've realized that these are things I desperately need to do. So I am going to try.... as much as I may not feel like it. Right now, here are some good things happening:

Tod has been interviewing with Gateway computer and it looks promising. We don't want to get our hopes up, a lot of jobs have looked promising. This one would mean a move to southern califonia. The boys would like it, the beaches are much calmer for swimming and depending where we lived we could hear the fireworks from Disneyland every night. We are getting closer to getting meds worked out for Dylan and his seizures and night time rages. We're all getting a littler more sleep. Yesterday Tod and I got to see Pirates of the Caribbean. Our sitter gave us movie passes on our anniversary. I was fun to go out on a real date! My mom is doing much better and hopefully will be home from the nursing home in a couple weeks. And I have a doctor's appt. Friday, so maybe I can finally find out what this stomache problem is.

til later.....

Quick Updates & Slideshow Links

Very quickly..... the boys turned 8, Christmas came and went, Tod still doesn't have a job although he has a 4 day gig in Mtn View on the 9th. We survived the year.
That covers the updates here are the links to birthday and Christmas Slideshows.

http://smilebox.com/play/4d7a41784f5459790a&sb=1

http://s107.photobucket.com/albums/m308/hunnyJbunny/?action=view¤t=christmas2006.flv

til later....

Blatant Self Promotion or a Really Great Deal?

Blatant Self Promotion?

A Really Great Deal?
or just plain groveling?

HOLIDAY SALE!

HALF PRICE!

HALF PRICE!

HALF PRICE!

WWW.SUNNYMEADOW.COM

Take a look around, and pick out something

for yourself or as a gift!

The discount will be taken at checkout, if you use Paypal.

Otherwise email me and we'll work out another way of paying and

I'll send out your jewelry.

This is a great opportunity to start (or finish) your Holiday shopping!

If you are not into jewelry,

check out my Autism Stuff Store at Cafe Press

WWW.CAFESHOPS.COM/AUTISMSTUFF

Not only is there autism related stuff,

BUT I've put some of the boys' holiday artwork on

Cards, Sweatshirts, Ornaments, Teddy Bears, etc.

Now, the important stuff...

We took Dylan to another Dr. and all the Drs conferred and started Dylan on a new medication. He's only been on it a couple days, but he seems calmer and more coherent and we haven't seen any seizures, so we are keeping our fingers crossed. He is still having some emotional outbursts, though....I don't know if those ever stop.

Tod had a second interview for the job in Fresno. They are going to set up the 3rd one which will be in Fresno with the director of the department, but it won't happen until after Thanksgiving. The guy who interviewed Tod both times told Tod that everything is still in it's early stages and not to expect anything until after the first of the year. So, you may see a new address for us before too long.

til later.....

Ghoulish Tales and Updates

It took Tod and I many long hours of cutting, painting, gluing and fighting over creative differences to make the boys' costumes. Only to have most of the bones fall off 15 minutes before it was time to leave for school! AAAHHH! Talk about a scare!! We got to school just in time for the parade with bones still coming off and being taped with packaging tape.
Trick or treating was a bit of a let down. Tod said the neighborhood was a ghost town (pun intended) but the boys still seemed to enjoy it. The only problem is they still have trouble with timing and say "Trick or Treat" after they ring the door bell but before people answer the door. Oh well, maybe next year. I'm also ready to cave in and buy costumes next year. When I was a kid, a store bought costume was a thin, one piece jumpsuit thing with a plastic mask held on with elastic. The costumes are soo extravagant now and I would say 90% of the school kids had store bought costumes. Some of my favorites were the sumo wrestlers, the go-go girls (not too trashy, please!), the fairies and the pirates!

On the job front, Tod has an interview with a company in Fresno Monday. He's trying not to get too excited about it, but it is a move in a different direction for him. Plus the SD in Fresno has a great autism program, including an autism school! The cost of living is cheaper and it is at the foothills of the Sierra Mountains and sorta near Yosemite. But it's not San Francisco or Pleasanton and we really do like it here. Anyway, keep him in your good thoughts.

I'm getting ready to list jewelry on eBay for the holidays (my user id is SHIRLEYSTUFF). After I get those up, I have a new project that Gerrie is helping me with. Look for it soon.... I hope!

til later...

CLICK BELOW TO SEE OUR HALLOWEEN SLIDE SHOW!

SLIDE SHOWS

The three posts below are links to slide shows from my sister, Gerrie's visit. Just click on the title and it will take you to another website that will play the slide show. Enjoy!

Pumpkin Festival

Gerrie and Shirley in San Francisco

Bonfonte Gardens and Santa Cruz

Bowlin', Bowlin', Bowlin' - Gotta Keep a Bowlin'.....

Ethan and Dylan started Special Olympics bowling yesterday. What fun!! They got to wear special shoes and throw, or attempt to throw a bright orange ball on the floor and try to hit a bunch of pins! It was exciting. They were pretty good, too, and if they could just get a little more umph behind their throws, I'm sure more pins would fall over. But the balls were a wee bit slow and by the time they got down the lane, most of them barely touched the pins! After an hour and a half of bowling to get through 5 frames, tragedy struck! Dylan got a little bored and decided to run down the lane after the ball. Anyone who knows anything about bowling lanes knows they are as slippery as oil on ice. I went after him trying not to fall myself, but he went down hard before I could get to him and hit the back of his head on the floor. Tod had to meet me half way down the lane to get him back, because even with tennis shoes I couldn't keep my balance and hold him. Brave Dylan did buck up and finish the frame, but after that both boys were ready to go. We're going to try again next week, but it will be totally up to them if they want to continue.

Update on the school scene: Dylan is doing absolutely fantastic! He is adjusting well to the new school and the new classroom and method of teaching. Ethan on the other hand, has been quite a handful... very defiant, uncooperative and having lots and lots of meltdowns. We're working on the issue with the teacher and the behaviorist at home. There has been talk of putting Ethan back in 1st grade for part of the day since the 1st grade teacher is pretty militant, but I don't think that's the answer. It will just be more change and more adjustment for him. We'll keep you posted.

Avast, ye scalliwags!

Tuesday, September 19 be

International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Need a quick lesson? Check out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cKCkbWDGwE
SAVVY??

til later....

Second Graders!

Ethan and Dylan started 2nd grade yesterday. This year they are in the same school and the same classroom and they are sitting in desks now. They are getting so big.
I was really nervous for Dylan. He has been in a completely different classroom environment up until now. And this is all such a big change for him. Plus, even though the seizures seemed to have all but stopped, his behavior problems have not. I guess he caused quite a stir in the classroom today and Ethan fed on Dylan's behavior and acted up, too. The teacher knows Ethan from last year and she was really suprised at the way he acted. I hope Dylan gets into the routine. He looked absolutely stunned when he walked into that classroom. I really feel for him. So keep them both in your thoughts, please. I would really appreciate it.

til later....

News

My mom is doing ok after her hip surgery. She did need a couple transfusions before they moved her to PA Peterson and that delayed her move by one day. She has physical therapy everyday, but is not sleeping well due to the foam wedge they have between her legs at night. Please continue to keep her in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks!

We took Dylan to a neurologist Monday. She is not a ped neuro but she can see children. Anyway, it is her opinion that Dylan is not having petit mal seizures but partial complex seizures (I think I got the name right). I guess with petit mal, most kids are only out a second or two and then continue with what they were doing with no confusion or memory of anything happening. Dylan has been just spacing out for much longer than a second or two. He is confused and upset when he comes out of it and he sleeps for a long time which is another symptom of partial complex and not petit mal. She wants him to see a ped neuro from Children's Hosp in Oakland, especially because Dylan's language and comprehension skills regress during this time. I have no idea how long the referral will take. They were supposed to send it in this afternoon. Again, I'll keep you posted.

The new school year is looming in front of us. I register the boys on the 22nd and they start school on the 29th. I have asked the teacher if we can meet with her before school starts. Ethan has met her before but Dylan hasn't. Plus Dylan will be changing schools so I want to get pictures to do a social story for him. I hope it works out for both of them to be in the same classroom. Ethan is so eager to jump in and answer questions for Dylan. We are meeting with the SD 30 days after school starts to review the placement.

Well, that's all the news that's fit to print.

til later....