HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, TOD

Rita Rudner used to tell a joke about dating men, " Is this the man I want my children to spend every other weekend with?". A funny, but cynical look at dating and marriage, it was actually a criteria for me as well. Not that I expected to divorce any one I married, but more, would this man be good to our children, if we had any? Would he be responsible, committed and loyal. Life is uncertain, we could get divorced or I could die. I would want to know that the father of my children would be there for them no matter what the circumstances. And even if we didn't have children, this was my standard for a husband.

I married Tod because he was the kind of man I would want to spend every other weekend with my children, (it didn't hurt that he was funny, handsome and smart). And didn't disappoint me. He spent three months of sleepless nights walking the floors trying to calm colicky twins. And then got up and when into work the next morning. He sat with me and listened to the results of the testing by Early Intervention agency when we found that the boys were speech delayed and possibly had Sensory Integration Dysfunction. He took off work to take the boys to developmental play group. He went to the parents' group even though he was usually the only dad. Tod was a dad who was involved in his children's lives and our children's lives totally took over ours.

Then the real bomb hit. The diagnosis. What Tod calls the worst day of his life. "Your sons have autism," the developmental pediatrician said, "but don't worry, you won't be changing diapers all your life, when they are older they will be institutionalized. Sorry it wasn't better news." The doctor shook Tod's hand, headed for the door and took all Tod's dreams for his boys with him. At that moment our sons' future was snatched from their hands. It was devastating. It felt as if all hope was lost and any chance of a "normal" relationship with our sons was gone. It was hard for Tod to accept, just as it would be for any father.

Any yet, Tod kept going and keeps going. He has always gone to every doctor appointment, every school meeting. After a stressful day at work, he comes home tired and hungry. But Ethan grabs one hand and Dylan grabs the other, "camping!", "parachute!", and off he goes. It's usually after 8 before he gets to sit down and relax or eat something. Tod wrestles with them, gets up in the night with them, takes them to the park. He tries not to be embarrassed when one of them melts down in the store or can't answer the little boy at McDonald's who asks innocently, "what's your name?". Tod makes their lunch for school every morning and tucks them into bed every night. I'm not saying Tod is perfect. It is often very difficult to keep your composure or find the energy or the patience or even the hope to get through the day or not give up completely - for both of us. But Tod has been there for Ethan and Dylan no matter what. And they know it. They miss him when he's gone, fight to sit on his lap. It's always dad thy want to camp with and play tag with, read to and put them to bed. And when Tod works really late, Ethan sends him emails like, "daddy, Ethan Dylan"

The circumstances of our life are often worse than divorce or even death. But Tod has been loyal, responsible and committed to Ethan and Dylan no matter what. His love for them shows in everything he does -24/7 - every, waking, sleeping, frustrated, delighted, stressful, proud, exhausted, worried, amused, hopeful second of the day. And he's still handsome, funny and smart!!

Chugga Chugga! WOO WOO

Last Sunday (even though Tod had scads of work to do) we took the boys to teeny, tiny Sunol so they could ride the Niles Canyon Train to Fremont. It was about a half hour one way. Not exactly Thomas the Tank Engine, but the boys loved it! The engineer punched our tickets and we got to move from car to car - it didn't go very fast on the way there. Some of the cars were open, but we stayed in the enclosed one, just to be safe. The boys liked it just the same. Afterwards we got t-shirts and train cars from the teeny, tiny gift shop. It was a great morning.

We heard about another train that goes through the Redwoods and ends at the Boardwalk in Santa Cruz. It's supposed to be a gorgeous ride and of course, Santa Cruz is beautiful. The ride one way is over 2 hours, though, so we're not sure if that might be just a little too long for our antsy engineers, seeing as they got a little bored by the end of the trip.

til later....

Hair Today....

Hot, dry summer days are on their way. Some have made it here already. So it's off to "Cool Tops Hair Salon for Kids" to ease the heat a little for the season. Personally, I prefer men with long hair, but they are darn cute anyway, aren't they?

Tod arrived safely from Mexico with even more work to do when he got home.

There are only 2 weeks left of school, so say a prayer for us all. I have registration forms for swimming and dance for the boys - just trying to work out the schedules (hmmm--should we dance before mom's breakdown or after? ;-)

til later......

Big Day

A big day today.... the boys got their first library cards! I was so excited for them, they love books. Do you know at Easter, when they got their baskets they sat down and read their books before they even looked at what else they got! I had to get pictures of such a momentous occasion. They each signed their own cards (with help from dad). Since it was Memorial Day weekend there was a band playing Big Band music (so much for the quiet library I kept preparing them for). Ethan and Dylan amused themselves by dancing together while the paper work was being processed for their cards. And when the band played "our" song (Tod's and mine), I danced with Tod in the children's section. Of course, he didn't even notice the song.
Ethan and Dylan loved looking at all the books. But they didn't quite get that they could take them home at first. They would read them and then put them back. We finally got a stack of books and then went over to the video section. Again, they didn't quite get it. They would find one video they liked and take it but as soon as they saw another one they liked better, they put the first one back. We did end up with a nice selection of videos, too. They liked taking their cards out of their pockets to check out the books and they each read all the way home. It really was a nice experience for them and it was one of the best Sundays for me. Tod leaves tomorrow at 5 am for Mexico, so this also gives them lots to keep them busy.

Have a good Memorial Day.

til later.....

A Cute Ethan Story

This morning at 6:30, the boys and I were sitting on the couch trying the new candy coated Hershey's Kisses. Dylan didn't like them much, but Ethan gobbled them up. When they were gone he asked for "more gum drops??" Even though I thought he was so cute, I wasn't planning on either of us eating anymore. "These aren't gum drops, honey", I said, "these are Hershey's Kisses". So he leaned over and kissed me! "More gum drops?" Needless to say, he got more gum drops.

til later....

It's August Already!??

It's the middle of May and already the boys have farmer tans from playing outside every waking hour they are not in school. The temps are in the upper 80's and the grass is starting to turn brown on Pleasanton Ridge.
The boys both had their musicals at their schools. Neither of them sang much but both had their own dance moves! We're still working on finding a place they can get dance lessons. This summer they are taking swimming lessons from the local park district. They offer "Adapted Aquatics" for kids with disabilities. They will teach 1:1 at whatever level the kids are at so we will probably work on what to if you fall in the water. More of a water survival/safety than speed for now.
We took the boys to Ethan's school Fun Fair last Friday. Ethan walked around like he owned the place. Several pretty little girls came up to say Hi to him and one even gave him and Dylan free rides on the bouncy slide. Ethan and Dylan won prizes at the games and really had a good time. It was also a great opportunity to learn about waiting in line ;-)
We got a used patio table for our porch from Craigslist. We didn't want to spend a lot and we didn't want something so light that the boys could drag it around the yard. Tod and I really enjoy eating out there, but it's hard to keep the boys seated at the table!
I had a very nice Mother's Day. I stayed in my PJ's and had Starbucks and Krispy Kreme for breakfast....yummy! The day before, Tod planted some flowers for me in the front yard and the boys and I planted zinnea seeds in the back yard. They come up so fast and make beautiful cutting gardens.
Tod is totally frustrated with his job. He has to travel to Mexico over Memorial weekend. He's tired of spending time away from home. When he is home, the boys just cling to him. One pulls one arm and the other pulls the other as soon as he walks in the door. He tries to work over the week end and they grab his hand off the computer mouse. It's really tearing Tod up.
Well, It's friday now. The boys got sick and I never got back to finish this until now. They are back at school today and I have what they had. The weather has also turned cooler and we might even have rain tonight. My zinneas are coming up, though!
Sunday, we are going to the first get together of a parent support group I and another parent have been trying to put together. We have set up a table at the Farmer's Market downtown passing out flyers about the group. It's an online support group for parents of kids with Special Needs in Pleasanton. We're also going to try to have activities for parents and families. I met some really nice people at the Farmer's Market. It's so hard to meet people in a new place.

til later....

SMILE!

Dylan's smile is a little different these days. It makes me grin every time I see it.
Otherwise, we're all just plugging along. Getting through the days. Really looking forward to our company at the end of the month.
til later...

DinoRific

We took the boys to Berekeley University over the week end to see the dinosaur bones. They were pretty amazing and the boys really liked getting out and doing something. In fact Dylan liked it so much that he bolted on us 3 different times. He must really have been stir crazy. We're starting to get back into our "normal" routine, so I guess that's a good thing. not much else going on.
til later.....

Back in the Saddle Again

Hello. It's been a long time.
For those of you wondering, my surgery went well and I am on my way to a complete recovery, sans uterous of course! Jeni flying out here to help out was a godsend. She truly is our angel. We're trying to talk her into moving out this way.
My second mammography and ultra sound also held good news as they believe it is just a cyst and I don't have to go back until June.
Tod got a promotion and an office when he got back from the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. The only problem is they didn't give him a raise. He's got a lot of work and is under even more stress.
The boys have a playdate now every Tuesday after school with a little boy named Cailin. He doesn't have as much language as Ethan and Dylan, but he is such a sweet little boy, not bulldozers like our boys!! We also signed the boys up for baseball. They start March 19, every Sunday. It's a league for kids with disabilities and they play other teams in the area. Ethan and Dylan will be Pleasanton Pirates!
Tim and Maggie will be coming for a visit towards the end of March. We are all looking forward to that. My parents were going to come for a visit the end of April, but that doesn't seem to be working out. Just to remind you, we do have a 4 bedroom, 2 bath house and one of the bedrooms is set up as a guest room.
Well that's about all I can think of.
til later....

Visit To Santa

The boys rarely smile for the camera at the same time, much less in a situation like this. We are happy they're both looking at the camera at the same time and look relitively not unhappy.

After visiting Santa, we bought boots for the boys. We figure if they are going to swing in the rain, they need boots and rain slickers. We also found out about a place about two hours away where you can go tubing in the snow! Imagine, having to drive for 2 hours to find snow!

til later.....

It's Me!

Back from a long absence. I know, I know.... live with it. I just don't blog as much as I would like. It's not that I don't like you, but life takes up so much time!

I'll try and give a quick overview of what's been happening these past 4 weeks.

Ethan and Dylan turned 7 on December 10. They each had parties at school, Dylan's in the morning and Ethan's after lunch. Then on Saturday, we hooked up the web cam and got Grandma and Grandpa Nikoley, Aunt Gerrie, Uncle Tim and Aunt Maggie on speaker phone. We had a cyber party and it made me feel so much closer to home. Espcially when we all sang happy birthday together. The next day we took the boys mini putting for the very first time. They liked it once we let go and let them do it their way with just a little guidance from us
After the birthdays, I went in to a depression boardering on despondency. I really wanted to come home for Christmas and it wasn't going to happen. Plus I'm having that darned hysterectomy in Jan and we still hadn't found anyone to watch the boys.

Took extra meds and forced myself to get ready for Christmas parties at school. Between Ethan and Dylan, we gave over 30 teacher, aide, therapist, bus driver gifts. Tod and I stayed up till midnight every nite this week to get those done. The parties were today. I missed Dylan's party completely. Tod got to go to both. I will be glad if they ever end up at the same school.

While I was at Ethan's school, the aide mentioned that if we ever need a sitter, she and her 17 year old daughter would be happy to watch Ethan and Dylan. I told her about the surgery and she said she and her daughter could help out! So she and I are going to get together over the break and set up a schedule for the week after Jeni leaves.

Yes!!! Jeni, our sitter from Rockford, has agreed to fly out here the week of my surgery and help with the boys that whole week. She was supposed to start student teaching at Fairview on the 17th but she asked her boss if she could start a week later so she could come out here. The nice thing for her is that the state will pay her $11 per hour for all the time she spends with the boys. Jeni has always rescued us. When Tod was in the hospital all those times with his heart condition and when we were trying to find a place to live out here. Jeni would stay several days with the boys or come in her PJ's if it was early in the morning. Thank you Jeni for coming to our rescue again!

Grandma & Grandpa Nikoley, Uncle Dan and Aunt Mickey and Aunt Jean and Uncle Vern all sent us money to get the boys a swing set. You know we took the indoor swing down permanently after Dylan's head injury. We are donating it to a local agency that works with kids with autism. Tod has the swing set bought and half built in the garage. So on Christmas Eve, he will be out back with a spot light finishing the job. He wants to wrap it, too, so I bought 500 square ft. of Christmas wrap. I hope that's enough. I also hope it doesn't rain. It was coming down buckets today.

That pretty much brings us up to date. I'm sure I forgot something.

Have a Happy Holiday!

til later....

We're Thankful For...

Last night while Tod and I were still eating dinner, the boys were playing on the swing we have across the hall doorway. First Ethan started swinging really high as he is wont to do. But this time he let go! And went flying over the carpet (those of you who know our house know how far that is) and landed on the ceramic time in the foyer. He wasn't hurt, just winded. But it still made my heart stop! Then Dylan got on the swing. Tod pushed him several time since he can't pump yet like Ethan. Tod stopped pushing and sat down again at the table. I believe Dylan started spinning the swing although I am not sure because he was behind me. Next thing we heard this loud thud and a blood curdling scream. Dylan hit his head on the door jamb and was bleeding all over the place. Ethan started screaming "Dylan, Dylan" and I started arguing with Tod about taking him to the hospital. Tod agreed with me after he had a closer look at the cut so off they went. While I was helping put Dylan in the van, Ethan was trying to get the garage door open and locked me out of the house. Fortunately I never locked the front door after UPS came that afternoon and was able to get back in that way and calm Ethan.
Tod and Dylan were at the ER for what seemed like an eternity. Dylan wasn't vomiting and he was saying Hi and Bye to everyone in the waiting room and singing, so it looked pretty apparent that he didn't have a concussion. The doctor said it was a deep cut but only needed one stitch. Tod said no. Staple? Tod said no. Then they suggested gluing it and Tod went along with that although he regrets it now. It took 3 of them including Tod to hold Dylan down and Tod felt absolutely horrible. Tod and Dylan came home about an hour past bed time and Dylan fell asleep pretty quickly. This morning he's doing ok, but has a really funky hair-do from the glue in his hair. They twisted the hair around the cut to hold the glue in place until it dried.
Parenting - not for the faint of heart. We are so thankful both boys were not seriously hurt.

til later....

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy for us.

Tod doesn't have to work after all!

A First

We just had a big first at our house. Ethan had an absolute fit because I wouldn't buy something for him at WalMart. Just like a typical kid. I always get so mad at parents who yell at their kids for whining and crying about not getting candy or a toy. If they only knew how lucky they are, I would always think. Well, now I'm lucky, too!!!!!

til later...

The Weekend

Well, Tod ended up not working Sunday, so the weekend wasn't a complete loss. He got lots of e-cards and snail mail cards that he appreciated even more this year. Saturday while he was at work, the boys and I made his favorite meal and decorated the house. We had a "surprise" party when he got home. Spiderman was the the theme - I thought a Harry Potter theme would be cruel - so we had Spiderman decorations, goodie bags, plates and napkins and even a Spiderman game... stick Spiderman on the tallest building (like pin the tail on the donkey). The boys had a great time, although it was difficult for Ethan not to open Tod's presents. I think Tod was so happy he was home and didn't have to go in the next day, that was the best present for him.
Sunday he slept late and I had his favorite eclairs for him for breakfast. The boys were all over him he could hardly read the paper, they really missed him. Then I went to a craft show at the fairgrounds for a couple hours. My gift to Tod was that he didn't have to come with. He and the boys just hung around the house and he was happy. Later we all went outside and played tag and t-ball. Ethan is actually getting quite good at t-ball. He hits the ball to the fence almost every time and runs the bases in order. The only problem is that he brings the bat with him around the bases - makes you kind of afraid to tag him ;-)

I'm not looking forward to keeping them busy and happy all week by myself. Especially since Tod won't have Thurs and Friday off. I'm checking into an organization called "Special Nannies". It's an employment agency that provides nannies with experience in kids with special needs. We wouldn't need someone full time and with the state contributing to respite, we might be able to get them to chip in a little more, at least until I'm recovered from the surgery. I've emailed them to send us the questionnaire to see if our needs meet what they have to offer. So, we'll see.

til later......

Updates Since Yesterday

I forgot to mention that Dylan got an award for following directions. It was given to him by the principal in front of the whole school.

My foot x-ray came back negative, so no broken bones thankfully. I can't imagine having to wear a cast! But the Dr. does want me to see a podiatrist because it's still causing pain. My cholesterol looked good, but my tryglycerides are off the charts, so I have to go back in for consultation.

Tod's birthday tomorrow sucks even more. He has to work both Sat and Sun as well as all next week including Thanksgiving and the day after. I just hope they give him a day off before he leaves for Las Vegas in January!

Ethan found my cell phone and was looking at the wallpaper picture of the two of them in the Wells Fargo Stage Coach (which we won't be able to ride tomorrow because Tod has to work). He said, "Ethan and Dylan are twins."

til later...

Busy, Busy Here

Not much time to even think about posting. Ethan had bronchitis, I still have a sinus infection. We've had Dr. appts. and school meetings and our sitter quit. The boys have been on half days at school all week and today was their last day until the Monday after Thanksgiving. I have been wanting to get things ready for the show I'm doing on the 3rd and for the web site. I just yesterday started working on Tod's birthday which is Saturday. I was going to take him to the new Harry Potter movie but we have no sitter. That's it pretty much in a nutshell. Here's some details:

Tod has been busy at work and may not get any time off for Thanksgiving. They've been having lots of failures on product coming from Taiwan, so the QA guy from Taiwan is coming here next week. Happy Turkey Day.

Still looking for a sitter. Anybody want the job? As cheap as air fare is from Chicago to SF right now, we'll even pick up airfare. Or at least part of it. ;-)

The boys' progress reports at school were both good. That's always nice to hear. But they still have a long way to go before they would fit in with NT classmates. There was an article in the SF Chronicle this morning saying that Stanford did a study showing that playing a musical instrument helps auditory processing and reading. We bought the boys little mariachi guitars at the flea market. I hope uncle Tim will teach them to play.

I had a physical yesterday and she sent me to have my foot x-rayed. I hit it against the ladder on the boys' bunk bed and it has hurt for over month now. They haven't called back so it must be ok. She just wanted it checked since it has been bothering me for so long. Otherwise, they took lots of blood and I'm sure I'll be hearing about my cholesterol levels

The weather has been beautiful 75 and sunny every day. Beautiful fall colors, too. Pleasanton Ridge, which you can see from our house, is so pretty at sunrise and sunset. It's nice the boys still get to play outside so much. I can't figure out why the inside is always a mess, though, if they are outside.

til later....

More Health Updates

We're all just a little sick here still. Ethan is much better but still has a cough. Dylan and Tod are developing coughs and I have some kind of head cold, sinus thing happening. The boys had an appt with their psychiatrist on Saturday, but his nurse called and cancelled because he cut his finger and was in the ER. The behaviorist was supposed to come Sunday, but she didn't feel well either. Tim says that he and Nancy and Jeff aren't feeling well so I guess whatever it is, it's transcontinental.

I'm still having a difficult time finding a good sitter/helper. Nichole quit yesterday when she didn't show up to work and never called to explain why. I called her but still have not heard anything. The ObGyn set my hysterectomy for Jan. 16th at 7:30 am. Anybody feel like making a trip to the bay area to help Tod? I'm really worried about him trying to keep up at work and keep up with the boys, too. I know from when I was in Rockford this Aug., the boys are much harder to handle than a job! At least that's what Tod told me. I knew it all along. Fortunately they will be in school during the day and the bus takes them to and from. Well, I'm sure something will work out and we will all survive. After all, that's what we do.

till later.....

Health Updates

Ethan has been home with bronchitis since Wednesday. He started getting a cough shortly after his stomach flu went away which was about a week ago. The cough just got worse, so I took him to the dr. yesterday and she prescribed antibiotics and cough medicine. His cough sounds really nasty and it's so hard to get him to remember to cover his mouth. I'm really surprised none of the rest of us has gotten sick!

I went to see my ObGYN this week about my "re-animated" uterus. It appears that a full blown hysterectomy is in order. I wish I would have just had that done in the first place instead of messing around with that other procedure back in April. But the hysterectomy has a 1-3 night hospital stay and 2-6 week recovery time at home. I'm not sure exactly how we're going to do that. Tod will have some paid time off and we do have a sitter who can help with the boys part of the time, too. But it's going to be hard on all of us (especially Tod). The dr. wanted to do the surgery in December, but I pushed her to wait until January so the boys will be in school most of the time and Tod can go to his CES in Las Vegas Jan 2-9. That will also give me time to save some of my own blood for a transfusion. I needed a transfusion when the boys were born, so there's a good chance I might need one for this - especially if they cut me from stem to stern. I'm not looking forward to the actual procedure, but I am so ready to get rid of my uterus. It has served it's purposed, it's time to let it go.

til later....

Another One

I just put this last picture on because it's cute